Writer's Block, Literally

I think that I would like to start writing music again. Here's the problem, I can't do it. Sure I've written a song or two before, but it seems that right now I can't get any thoughts down on paper. I would really like it if someone would just give me a perfect song, all completed, all I have to do is put my name on it and I'm done. I really need some new material. Actually I just need material to begin with. It's not like I don't have enough life experiences to go from, but I want to make something that speaks to people. I want something that people can relate to. So much of music today is crap. Sure there are your chance good bands out there, but most of the time it's just some idiots making stupid music to satisfy the masses. By the way, 2 amazing new bands (and when I say new I mean new to me) are Mae and Acceptance. You don't even have to preview their music, just go out and get it. It is awesome. So maybe in the next few days I'll have some new music. I am trying to put together a new cd. But you know, you need music to make a cd. Funny how that works. Oh well, tomorrow's a new day. Peace to all

Currently Listening The Everglow By Mae see related

Today's only consolation is the start of the NCAA Tournament. 

I believe that I take life too seriously.  Especially in my job.  Why is it that I always feel that if I don't close every deal that I am a failure?  What is this incessant need to suceed?  I know I shouldn't find myself in my occupation, but society makes it so hard not to.  We are constantly told that we need to get out into the world and make something of ourselves.  But to who's standard am I constantly trying to live up to?  Honestly, this is getting ridiculous.  If you haven't already figured it out, I am frustrated tonight.  I don't know why, I think I am taking life too seriously lately.  I fear a mental breakdown is somewhere on the near horizon.  I need a vacation.  Or a change of scenery, or something.  I need a deliverance

Deliver me

Little update here:

Just so all are aware, my dad is doing much better.  There is no cancer and he is recovering well. He's even going back to work tomorrow, which to me is crazy, but it's also a sign that normalcy may have returned

This whole ordeal has really re-adjusted my outlook on things.  What was once so important is now inconsequential, and what taken for granted has suddenly become a priority.  Sometimes you don't really appreciate as much as you think you do until you realize that they might not be around anymore.  It really lends a new perspective.

Anyways, this weekend was more than fun.  Ben, I'm sorry for aiding and embedding Craiger in our plot to exploit your phone!  But you have to admit, we had a great time doing it.

Well I'm off to bed because unlike most of my friends, I get up at the butt-crack of dawn.  I feel old.  I guess this is the way things go, but I had no intentions of it happening this soon. 

To use a great cliche:  Catch you on the flip side!!

Currently Playing Day of Fire By Day of Fire Cornerstone see related

What's new all.  Just sitting here at the Hampton Inn in Appleton, so I thought I would give everyone a little xanga update.  By the way, if anyone is thinking of making a career in living out a hotel, take my advice, the pay isn't worth it and the hours suck.

Anyways, life is going.  Nothing bad, nothing exciting.  Definitely missing being back in college.  Growing up is definitely a hard thing to do.  Sometimes I feel like I am so disconnected from all of my friends.  It doesn't matter how much we say we'll stay in touch, we keep growing apart.  I guess that is how things go, I just always thought that it would never happen to me.  Now it has, and I guess I just have to deal with it.

But why should I have to deal with it?  Why does it seem like I am always the one making the effort to keep in contact?  It shouldn't be so one-sided but it is.  So here the dilema lies.  Do I just accept the fact that things have changed past the point where they can be fixed, or do I refuse to accept what appears to be the inevitable and do everything in my power to keep a friendship alive?  I guess the question would be more easily answered if others were making more of an effort.  Wow, I sound like a sad old woman.

I'll stop feeling bad for myself now. 

I am having an interesting conversation with myself this evening.  Is there one specific reason why I constantly struggle with my walk with God?  Can I pin-point one flaw in my character, or is it a combination of many little reasons.

Anyways, listening to another great song today.  There's something about music that seems to put things into perspective, in a way that I never can.  I guess that's why it will always be a part of my life.  It has always been the outlet for frustration and the best expression for my joy.  But the funny thing is that I always align myself with the words of someone else.  I guess I feel like they say it better than I could.  But how true is that?  Is that just a cop-out for me to not to express how I truly feel.  Honestly, I think it is.  Sometimes, I feel like a musical expression may be taken as unhappiness with my life.  But this is simply not true.  To me, depressing songs and a depressed life do not coincide.  You can have one without the other. 

So the challenge to myself is to express myself in the best way that I know how.....through music.  But to always remember that I shouldn't constantly worry about how good it sounds, because I always end up hating everything I write anyways!!!

Well, that's enough from me tonight.  See you down the line!!!

...."all my life, and in fine form tonight, Your love's been near, like a whisper loud and clear."

Currently Playing Risk By Ten Shekel Shirt see related